Matulevicz in Knacker-Mangle Horror

The death was announced today of veteran peace campaigner, stíobhart matulevicz.

Matulevicz, 73, was involved in an a accident with a steam-powered industrial mangle whilst holidaying in the exclusive English seaside resort of Stockport.

It is believed that matulevicz was attempting to use the mangle to iron out a small wrinkle in his foreskin, when the accident happened. Eyewitnesses describe seeing a large albatross-like bird, alighting on the control lever of the mangle, just as matulevicz approached the machine with outstretched penis —thus causing the lever to move from ‘Slow’ to ‘Fast’ like in a cartoon. Matulevicz was then dragged manhood-first through the mechanism.

“It was a terrible sight”, one woman, who wished to remain anonymous, told us “I thought I was going to die laughing!”

Matulevicz is survived by his grieving widow, Griselda Muggwart and 17 snot-faced brats.

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