Matulevicz Dishonoured

The US town of Moosejaw Creek, Arkansas has unveiled a life-sized sculpture of the town’s most famous son; renowned walrus juggler, stíobhart matulevicz.

At a glitzy ceremony in Moosejaw Creek’s Main Street, Mayor Shukster Q Huckenburger unveiled the statue, whilst a band of teenagers, dressed in garish pseudo-Napoleonic uniforms [the girls waving tinsel pom-poms] marched past playing an irritatingly up-tempo funeral march.

The statue, carved from a 6 tonne block of compressed effluent from the town’s sewage works, stands over 8 feet tall and depicts matulevicz in customary pose; scratching his arse, whilst looking around gormlessly, with his mouth hanging open.

When our reporter pointed out to Mayor Huckenburger that not only was matulevicz not born in Moosejaw Creek, but had never even set foot in the town, he was set upon by the crowd and forced to beat a hasty retreat to his car, under a hail of pieces of the statue, which was, by this stage, being broken up by irate townspeople.

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